Teaching

[franceslievens]

Standing in front of students all day is extremely confronting. They see everything I do, hear everything I say and will react whenever that's wrong or doesn't fit into their grand scheme of things.
On the other hand I'm the one that watches them, gives remarks for their mistakes and faults, puts everything they do down into one silly number that should be the exact representation of the way they've proven themselves. Or not. Mostly I'm only giving remarks. "You girl, be quiet!" "Boy, sit still!" "All of you, this isn't recreation, but the time to work!" I feel bad at the end of the day, because things didn't go as planned and sometimes it went completely out of hand. My head spins when I get home. I replay the scene in my head, think about things I should have said and done and then I replay it all again. I think: "This isn't me. I'll never be a good teacher. I'll never be able to get the class' attention."
But I have to go on. Next week will be better. I'll prepare better. It'll be okay.

Comments

been there, done that, bought the t-shirt

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

This is the third time that I'm trying to comment on your entry - the computer keeps re-starting (we still haven't found out what's wrong), so I hope this get through.
I know that feeling - I get it about once a week. I'm currently trying to prepare my lessons for tomorrow, so I won't feel inadequate then. The constant self-evaluation can be quite a strain....

*hugs*

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

I talked to one of my fellow teachers about it and he simply said: "I've had that feeling for years." It isn't up till now that I'm getting better at it." So I'll learn to live with it and prepare some more classes so I too won't feel too inadequate.

And I still have some grading to do as well...