the hidden word

[franceslievens]

I know it exists. It's on the tip of my tongue, but nothing comes when I put fingers on keyboard. It's a verb, and it means "to enjoy", but in a more sexual, more degenerate, all-consuming kind of way. I struggle, search the dictionary (both Dutch-English and English-Dutch), a thesaurus, but enjoying is only just that: having fun. It's never dirty, or forbidden, or sin. It's okay to enjoy. It's cool, and allowed. In the end I settle on a yearning, the enjoyment of missing, or the all-consuming desire for prohibited pleasure.

Comments

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

You need French then, because the word you're looking for does exist in French: jouir !

It's the kind of word that makes students giggle when you use it in a non sexual way because the sexual connotation is too strong. "Jouir" means "to enjoy" but also "to come", and the sexual meaning prevails in our minds.

So maybe you have the French word in mind...

*off to bed*

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

It might be that was what I was thinking of. I remember you giving that exact same explanation a different time, so it might have entangled itself inside my brain. I do have some kind of aphasia sometimes and mix up different languages in my head. I knew there wasn't one word in Dutch, but that I could say it in a an expression, that I of course couldn't find in the dictionary. If you read the above fiction, you'll notice what word I settled on. :-)

[kashmanik.livejournal.com]

The only word I can come up with right now is hedonism. Not sure if that's a match for what you need, and if my brain were more awake right now I might be able to offer more options, but I can't. :-)

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

No, that wasn't what I was looking for. I know the word -- it's the same in Dutch -- and it's too much linked to a certain way of life. Don't forget the hedonists were a group philosophers like the epicurists or the stoics. The contamination with constant looking for fun, came later on.

I wanted to show enjoyment as a sin, what Christianity has been doing for centuries. A forbidden fruit. In hedonism the fruit never is forbidden.

But thanks anyway. :-)

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

You do know that you sent me to my thesaurus?

Savour and relish are definitely too tame, but I quite like luxuriate in - it's not really sexual, but at least it conveys the idea that this enjoyment is slightly too much, a luxury and thus a little sinful. Then there's also wallow in which also gives off this vibe of pigging out, of enjoying something too much. Another alternative might indulge. Still not really sexual, I guess.

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

I know now.

Had the same reservations against savour and relish you had. I was thinking about using relish, but thought the better of it anyway. Luxuriate sounds okay, but more like "I've run a bath with lots of bubbles" and not "I'm sneakily reading NC-17 fanfiction."

Wallow makes my think of the Dutch walgen, which means loathe or disgust. I know these words have nothing to do with eachother, but they sound alike!