Kid's Talk

When returning home from school MK and I pass a dead pigeon.

MK: Birdie, wake up!
Me: MK, I don't think that bird is going to wake up, honey. Come on, let's go.
MK persists: Wake up, birdie!
Me: Sweetie, that bird won't wake up. It's passed away. It's dead. It isn't going to wake up anymore.
MK: Dead birdie, wake up!

I'll never fully grasp the logic of children.

Gruesome detail: The pigeon was already decaying, but this didn't stop my niece from considering it fully alive and kicking. So you say zombies are only a myth...

How to Confuse a Parent

Entering the school building I'm intercepted by the tiny hug-machine that has entered first grade. She flings herself at my legs, nearly toppling me over, crying out "Miss Frances!" "Err, hi Hug-Machine," my dim-witted, still somewhat groggy from sleep, Self replies. I kiss the cheek that presents itself to me and walk on, shaking my head and muttering something about "kids these days".
From the corner of my eye I spot a Father looking baffled from me to his daughter. I turn and explain: "Err, hi, I'm the morality teacher..." The Father nods and produces a smile. Morality: Explains it all. I'm the crazy teacher who sings in class and makes bears talk.